NIGERIAN BANKS, IN WHAT WAY HAVE WE OFFENDED YOU?

The banking sector is the pivot of any economy. An ideal commercial bank must operate smoothly, efficiently, `transparently and promptly.

The relationship of any bank with its customers is very crucial. However, it seems that many banks are hell-bent on frustrating their customers. Many Nigerians are dissatisfied with the activities of the various banks. The reasons for this are plain to see. From the banking halls to customer service delivery, everyone has a story to tell.

I find it highly amusing that a bank that cannot trust you with their N30 ballpoint pens would want you to entrust it with your life savings. They use rubber bands or strings to secure their treasured pens to the counter. What is wrong if your customers cart your pens away? How much could you possibly spend on pens that would dent your account in any way? Is it as much as what you deduct from people’s accounts in the name of bank charges?

If a bank cannot afford to lose its pens, my humble opinion is that it should downgrade to a cooperative, community or microfinance bank immediately. Shioooooor!

It is in this insane manner that some banks ration their air conditioning, with the units placed strategically close to the manager as if they are vaults. Many of them ration their disposable cups. If your bank falls into this category, it should be renamed Ijebu Community bank.

There are some bank branches that look kind of funny. I am yet to ascertain if this is unintentional or deliberate. I know of a structure that bears a bank signpost on Moloney Street, Lagos Island, but when you venture inside you get confused. You begin to wonder if it is indeed a bank or a post office. My suspicions that something was wrong with that bank were confirmed when they could not cash a cheque that I took there. So much for being a new generation bank.

Another cause for concern are the tattered flags displayed in front of these banks. I have no problem if a bank wants to use a rag as its flag; after all, their operations are really trashy. I consider it criminally offensive when the National Flag is in tatters, or at half-mast. Kilode?

 There are some banking halls that depict pure, unadulterated chaos. You see queues like BRT queues right inside the bank. You expect that this condition would spur the tellers to work faster, but na lie. They would still work as slowly as ever, as if they are using the abacus to add and subtract. This is very bad.

There is another thing that I have come to notice about banks and I am always tempted to ask the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) if this is one of their policies. If you know you are a banker and you’re reading this, please give me the reason before I ask CBN. You will never see all the teller cubicles filled. If a bank has cubicles for 5 tellers, only 3 will be functional. The same thing goes for their automated teller machines (ATMs).

In the Gospel according to Nigerian banks, it is an aberration for all their ATMs to be working at the same time. If one dispenses cash, the other will be swallowing cards. I know that machines could malfunction once in a while but something is terribly wrong when you refuse to fix them. Worse still is when you know these machines are malfunctioning and you fail to notify the public by way of a notice.

Another despicable thing about Nigerian banks is that they pay their security staff peanuts. That is why many of them have resorted to the “anything for the boys?” approach. It is highly unfair. It is tantamount to keeping someone in the kitchen and expecting that person to be satisfied with just the aroma of all the sumptuous dishes. Use your church mind, abeg!

Another thing that puts me off about Nigerian banks is the arrogance of some bank staff. If you are not Aliko Dangote’s cousin or M.K.O Abiola’s younger sister, they would be reluctant to attend to your complaint. They would treat your case at snail’s pace or might even ignore it altogether.

Here is a note of warning to you and your likes. I am not a fan of banking halls, neither do I believe that I deserve to have my time wasted by people like you. If I happen to visit your customer care desk and you misbehave, I will either send a mail to your Head Office, tweet at your bank or post on your bank’s Facebook page. If I am really angry, I will do all three. This works every time. You will only get a query, and your manager would promise me better service. Problem solved.

There is a bank that is highly discriminatory to short customers. I am sure that they would be equally discriminatory to short job applicants, judging from the height of the counters. This is very unfair. Anytime I’m wearing flat-soled shoes, I have to tiptoe to reach the counter. I still consider myself fortunate. I once saw a man that literally had to be carried because he wanted to fill a ledger. Sheer wickedness!

We know the meaning of the name of your bank but your architect did not have to take it too literally. Your aspirations and operations should be lofty, not everything inside your bank. I will not be too surprised if your vault is located on your roof.

Now to automated banking. When CBN introduced the “cashless policy”, they didn’t mean that you should take it literally. A great number of ATMs are cashless - they don’t dispense cash, but they would tell you your account balance. If you are not ready to go cashless as CBN directed, please let us know.

Another thing I’ve found rather annoying is that many ATMs would ask you if you want a receipt for the transaction when they know that they haven’t issued receipts in three years. If supplying receipts is too expensive for you as a bank, kindly submit yourself to CBN for probe and prompt liquidation.

I also feel that some ATM messages are quite uncalled for. How can you insert your card and the machine would tell you that your financial institution is unavailable? I feel that message should only apply to those with Oceanic bank cards, or probably Heritage bank.

Another reason why people distrust Nigerian banks is because these days, they act like magicians. There is nothing like interest anymore. Bank charges have replaced interest. We get all manner of charges - COT, ATM and SMS. How much do text messages cost? Some networks even offer them for free but these yeye banks would charge a bogus amount for text messages that you did not receive. No bank sent me any Sallah message, neither have I received alerts for money received. Any bank wey go deduct my money over text messages go hear am.

When I was much younger, I was taught that one of the functions of a bank was to remove dirty notes from circulation and replace them with crisp, new notes. It’s either my teacher was lying, or the minting machines have broken down. I think that these banks trade all the new notes to vendors, and then pay customers with dirty, smelling and mutilated notes. These filthy, microbial culture Naira notes have even found their way into the ATMs. What a shame!

In this piece, I have been referring to the new generation banks. I tactically avoided the old generation banks because if I should start talking, I won’t stop. Imagine a bank whose first new advert in about 50 years is to gloat about being the president’s bank. Pathetic!

At this juncture, I would want to say something that affects many bank customers. When someone makes a transaction at an ATM and is debited without receiving due payment, please revert the transaction immediately. The same goes for POS terminals, bikonu, jowo, dan Allah. Many people have lostb money this way because they have been unable to follow through with the hassles of going to the bank to make a ormal complaint.

Another thing you should think of doing is reconfiguring ATMs not to swallow cards. So many relationships and potential relationships have been ruined this way. Imagine a guy taking his babe out on a Friday night and an ATM machine swallows his card. He’s in a dilemma. He eventually tells his babe and she ‘yimus’. How demoralizing.

To compound issues, by Monday his card would have been promptly destroyed. The guy has no choice but to pay for another card even though the bank is solely to blame.

Nigerian banks need to change. Many of them are the reasons why many market women still keep money in their bras. Nigerian banks, abeg fear God and fear CBN.

Green is for growth and development.

Green is for freshness and innovation.

I am Green, and Green is Nigeria.

Untamed, like an unbroken horse.

Wild, strong with great potential.

Valuable now, an envisaged asset on the racecourse.

Endowed with uncommon beauty.

Resilient like the iroko in a storm,

Lesser trees snap, or are uprooted.

Nigeria has remained undaunted

In the wake of her numerous challenges.

There is hope:

In form of the child playing ball with a spoilt orange,

In form of the woman that feeds her children when food is scarce,

In form of the man that strives to fend for his family.

The Nigerian Spirit just never gives up.

I know there is hope for a brighter tomorrow.

We can only work and pray.

May our Eagle soar again.

She may be wounded now, but she’ll heal.

She will once more fly boldly against the clear blue sky.

The Green, and the White, and the Green.

TO HAIL, OR TO WAIL?

Freedom of speech and expression is the hallmark of democratic societies all over the world. A virile opposition is the true test of democracy. Divergent views are expected in any normal community. No two people are alike.

Even in the best of democracies, the opposition still exists. It exists not only in the form of the opposing party; it also exists in the form of pressure groups, civil liberties’ organizations, human rights’ organizations and concerned individuals who are aggrieved at the way the government is being run.

A vibrant opposition speaks for the group of people that have been sidelined or neglected by the ruling party. The duty of the opposition is to draw public attention to pitfalls and to keep the excesses of the government in check by raising a public outcry against constitutional breaches, unfair treatment and recklessness.

Therefore, it can be said that the opposition helps democracy to thrive. Any government that suppresses the opposition, either through the mulling and censorship of the press, the monitoring of social media accounts or the harassment and intimidation of people with contrary opinions, is tending towards dictatorship. The silencing of the opposition has no place in a democracy.

Having reached the 17^th year of uninterrupted democracy, Nigerians are more politically aware than ever. In the build-up towards the 2015 general elections, there was massive campaigning on all platforms. This was probably the most engaging campaign ever experienced in terms of the media used, and also the outreach. There was heightened participation in political discussions and arguments. Virtually everyone formed a political opinion.

The elections have come and gone. The new administration led by President Muhammadu Buhari has clocked its first hundred days in office. A lot of expectations are hinged on his numerous campaign promises. To some, he is the best thing to happen to Nigeria since independence. To others, he comes across as someone who is overwhelmed by the demands of the office. However, the onus of whether he succeeds or not, depends on you and I.

When the Presidential spokesman, Femi Adesina, referred to the opposition as the “Wailing Wailers”, he was simply unprofessional in his conduct. Never before have we seen a Presidency that is always on the offensive or engaged in so much damage control. A presidential spokesman is supposed to dwell on issues. No matter how hard anyone tries, it is impossible to wish the opposition away, except of course, you are Kim Jong Un of North Korea.

Some people have accorded the demi-god status to President Buhari. He is the one who must not be questioned, queried or criticized. Everywhere you turn, it seems like there is always a handful of them ready to shout you down with chants of “Sai Buhari! Sai Baba!” To them, he is the panacea for everything from power failure to full-blown AIDS. Just bring up a problem, they would tell you that Buhari would fix it. He is continuously praised for what he has not done, or what he will do. I am still yet to see what he is doing.

The thing that is wrong with this type of thinking is that those that practice it refuse to demand for their rights. They refuse to question their leaders, or hold them accountable to their campaign promises. They forget the reason why their leaders were elected. Since their leaders can do no wrong, they are content with the crumbs been flung their way.

Now, to the issue of “wailing”. The “wailers”, by their antagonistic attitude, keep the government on their toes. They draw attention to issues that the supporters of the ruling party have conveniently chosen to overlook. They highlight the excesses of the government and its institutions. They beam the searchlight on anomalies in the system.

Blind followership and hero-worship of our politicians is very injurious to our democracy. We should always remember that our politicians are there to serve us. It shouldn’t be us serving our politicians. Honey-coated words will not spur them into action. Telling it as it is would.

Demand for the very best, for it is your right. You deserve nothing less.

BEYOND INDEPENDENCE DAY CELEBRATIONS

Every 1st of October, we mark our independence. Independence from the British imperialists 55 years ago signified our birth as a nation. At the stroke of midnight on Oct. 1, 1960, at a racecourse outside Lagos, a crisp green and white flag was hoisted, replacing the Union Jack. As fireworks lit up the sky, tens of thousands of people roared collectively and sang the words of a new national anthem. After a century of British rule, Nigeria had become an independent nation.
That morning, the first Prime Minister, Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa, gave a historic speech. "Having been accepted as an independent state, we must at once play an active part in maintaining the peace of the world and in preserving civilization," he said. "We shall not fail for want of determination."
It is 55 years down the line, and we wonder whether the current state of affairs of our nation is what the founding fathers fought for. They had great dreams for our nation, but those dreams have been eroded over time by the greed of a few, and the apathy of the majority.
We got our independence on a platter of gold- without bloodshed. Perhaps if we had fought for our independence, we would have cherished it richly.
We love to celebrate our independence, but how independent are we as a nation today? Our heavy dependence on crude-oil exports has been to our detriment. Prices are plummeting rapidly and no one wants to buy our oil. We rely on imports of a whole lot of things, even food items. Agriculture that was the mainstay of our economy is now dead. Security is in shambles.
What is there to celebrate? Infrastructure is in deplorable condition. Electric power is erratic. The transportation sector is grossly inefficient. Health services are poor. The life expectancy for the average Nigerian is about 52 years. Education is not getting the required attention. Many youths are unemployed or under-employed. These are times when our rulers are hailed for paying salaries, constructing bridges or picking their ministers. The glimmer of hope we have for a brighter future is barely there. We must not let it flicker out.
We seem to have lost focus. The whole point of becoming an independent nation was for us to have control of our resources for the good of our people. Colonialism gave way to military rule. Military gave way to a lopsided democracy- government by a chosen, untouchable few. We recycle our leaders at our expense then act surprised when we hear that they are in possession of stolen funds. Who are we deceiving?
Some people will tell us to pray for Nigeria. If I were God, I would not answer such prayers. You don’t elect idiots and expect miracles. You don’t keep quiet when leaders are misbehaving and expect that God will give them dirty slaps. God will not give us good roads or boost our economy. God does not build factories nor create employment.
The 160 million people on this soil make up Nigeria. This nation isn’t for a select few. It is not just enough to admire places like London, New York, Dubai or Tokyo. When a leader has vision, anything is possible. A couple of decades ago, Dubai was a desert. Now, it is a tourism hub. Israel, a desert country, has an irrigation system so efficient that it exports fruit. Tiny Japan that saw catastrophic devastation when atomic bombs were dropped on its territory is now the home of electronics. We are here, wallowing in the wilderness and reenacting the Israelite journey.
Some people would blame colonialism, or demons or Jonathan Goodluck for Nigeria’s woes. The person that will succeed would make plans, not excuses. While we are excusing mediocrity, begging America to buy our oil, other countries are discovering new frontiers, exploring Mars, developing cures for diseases that were once thought to be incurable and improving their infrastructure.
Nigeria has more resources than a lot of countries put together. Nigeria occupies a strategic position, has abundant land mass, vast mineral resources and rich land for agriculture. It has waterways and a coastline. In terms of manpower, Nigeria is the most populous black nation. The culture is rich. The languages are diverse. Nigeria can also boast of having some of the best brains in the world. Dr Phillip Emegwali, known as the “father of the internet”, developed the world’s fastest computer.
Nigeria has the potential to be the greatest nation on earth. The problem is that we are too complacent. We tolerate obnoxious acts from our leaders. We allow our leaders to eat all the bread and applaud when crumbs are tossed at us. We allow ourselves to be lured away from real issues. We get carried away over things that have no direct bearing on our lives.
We all need a change of attitude. We must arise to take charge of the future for the sake of the generations of unborn Nigerians. We must stand for democracy, accountability and due process. We must insist on the rule of law and due process. We should do away with religious, tribal and even political sentiments. Political parties will merge and go into oblivion, politicians would always pursue their personal interests but we the ideals we fight for and the legacy we leave would remain forever. We owe it to the coming generations to do the right thing. Nigeria is bigger than the selfish and twisted ambitions of just a few. Nigeria belongs to us all. The onus is on us to make Nigeria great. Our Eagle must soar again.

Happy Independence Day!!!