There’s always so much to look forward to, particularly if you are a beautiful and intelligent young girl.

You hope, you dream, you plan, you laugh and you cry. You sometimes build castles in the air.

You are expected to live a bit of your own dreams and a lot of the dreams of the people who have invested so much in you.

You are geared towards conducting yourself in a particular way, to be accepted by the society. Soon, it all rubs off on you. The line between their expectations and your dreams becomes very thin. You can hardly tell the difference.

Many a young girl has nurtured the hope that someday, she would meet Mr Right, fall in love, marry and have babies. In that exact order. While that is the normal thing, at times it doesn’t work that way. What happens when shit gets real and a girl happens to get pregnant out of wedlock?

No matter how promiscuous a girl might seem, it would never be her plan to bring up a child that would have an absentee father. In fact, people say that it’s the naïve girls that fall victims of unwanted pregnancies and unplanned parenthood. This article is not to preach at anyone, neither is it to condemn. On the contrary, this piece is to empathize with one of the most ostracized set of people on earth today- the single mothers.

One thing led to the other. You got pregnant. When he found out, he decided to be a complete asshole about it, leaving you to bear the shame alone. Apart from the shame, you have to cope with people judging you. Family and friends will most likely desert you. You can no longer be free. You cannot be seen in a church. Wherever you turn, people cast mocking glances and giggle derisively. You feel very much alone.

To make matters more complicated, the experience of pregnancy is completely new to you. Believe me, pregnancy is the worst time to be alone. So many changes are happening to your body at once. You feel ill all the time, tired and nauseous.

Here is some advice for those that might find themselves in this situation.

Learn to forgive yourself. You made a mistake. You cannot change the past, but you can make the best of your future. You must stop beating yourself up.

Learn to forgive the person that impregnated you. It is necessary so that you can move on and think about more productive things.

If the person that impregnated you is not ready to accept responsibility, let go of him. There isn’t any point of clinging to someone that is not responsible at this stage. He will only let you down.

Learn to love the baby in your womb. Regardless of the circumstances that would bring your baby into the world, he/she is a special gift.

Try to get close to people that would be sympathetic to your cause. You will need emotional support, financial support and medical support.

Avoid falling into depression. It would not help you. Rather, focus on the good and hope that things would turn out for the best.

Take care of your health, for your sake as well as the baby’s. Pay more attention to eating balanced diets. You should also take enough fluids.

You are now a mother, so you need to plan. Your baby won’t stop growing because you are not ready. You need to have the capacity to take care of your baby and yourself.

Remember, your case is not a peculiar case. You might be down but not out. You could still go on to be very successful. Don’t let go of your dreams because of this minor setback. Don’t let anyone belittle you. Hold your head high. You will come back stronger. I promise you that all this will pass.

We live and we learn. That is the whole essence of life.