CUSTOMER RAGE

Dear MTN,

I will not go and re-register my line. You can fool everyone if you like, you might have fooled me before, but you would never fool me again. The only reason while you continue to pull the wool over our gullible eyes is because the consumer rights’ protection agencies are either in the vegetative state, or completely dead.

How can you explain a situation where you would tell your millions of teeming subscribers to register their SIM cards and provide the necessary bio-data, only for you to wake up one morning to tell us to go and register our lines again WITH ABSOLUTELY NO EXPLANATION? It beats my imagination and it defies not just logic, but also philosophy. Were you drunk when you were registering our numbers? Did a malicious virus wipe your entire database? Maybe I’m giving you too much credit sef. You probably wrote the records in books like an ancient bookkeeper and a giant yellow rat ate them all. Whatever your reasons (or lack of reasons) may be, this is beyond ridiculous.

I have always maintained an MTN line because apart from being my very first line, most of my close associates also use MTN.  To some extent, the coverage is also extensive. I didn’t hesitate when the directive came from NCC to register our lines. I braved the queue, registered my line and collected my security number. Didn’t I try enough?

Looking back, I can deduce that my attachment to MTN was more sentimental than practical, as your tariffs are the highest for calls and for browsing. You send an average of 100 spam texts per day, enough to run down a Blackberry battery and more than enough to give any Osun State government worker waiting for Aregbesola’s alert acute hypertension. Your nuisance value knows no bounds.

Even Airtel that has been passed round different investors more times than a devil’s mail bag has not come up with this kind of Grade A foolishness. What the heck is wrong with you? Don’t your customers mean anything to you? Doesn’t it bother you that Nigerians who wasted their time to register their SIM cards have to do the same thing again? You haven’t even deemed it fit to fine-tune the process. It doesn’t make sense to preserve bad experiences like these, in very much the same way that one relic of history is preserving mud huts, and stating them on an assets’ declaration form.

My records are not on your database, but you remember my number when you want to tell me to text ‘APC LAI’ to win a missing plot of land in Port-Harcourt, right? May heavy-duty thunder fire all of una. I really don’t blame you. If Nigerians had run your devious, xenophobic, exploitative, heartless, opportunistic, fraudulent ass back to South Africa, you wouldn’t be here making them queue desperately like migrants.

What’s to say that there wouldn’t be another sham registration in the next couple of months since you guys obviously don’t know what you are doing? If you block my line, you’ll be helping me. Prior to your ridiculous directive, I had already banished your yeye SIM card to a barely functional phone. I have even borrowed the maximum permissible amount. Go ahead, feel free, block away. It sure feels great knowing that when I eventually toss the phone into the trash-can, I won’t have to take out the SIM. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

You deserve to be sued for every fraudulent penny you’ve ever made on our shores. Thanks to other service providers for making sure that your evil dream of becoming a monopoly will forever remain a demented hallucination. There are so many fishes in the ocean. I will not tolerate your recklessness any longer. Peace at last.